It's late and I'm tired and I should be in bed right now but I'm thinking about my friends and family in other parts of the country (or in other countries) who I haven't seen, some in months, some in years. And friends and family that I won't see until I die.
And it's hard.
Relationships are so hard for me sometimes. They all end, sometimes through geographical distance, some through emotional distance and some through death and the hard part, is no matter what, I know I don't stop loving that person. I don't know how. I think I do know how to block people out, to keep moving, to keep going forward. To live the life I'm supposed to live now, without those relationships, yet it doesn't make living without that person easier.
I've had seasons of my life when I believed having other people in my life wasn't necessary, that living with Christ was all I needed. While, it is true that Christ is truly all I need to feel whole, relationships here on earth have the opportunity to emulate who Christ is and what he did.
I think it is just that, the fact that true relationship is what we long for, that makes being separated from those we've love or those who love us so hard.
So, tonight, I'll be tired an worn, and I'm going to bed, I promise, but I cannot say I haven't shed some tears longing for the friendship and kinship of my friends and family who are not near.
I love you and I deeply miss you.
2 comments:
oh, Jess. I love you, too! I wish I'd seen this post sooner. But you know what? You're actually closer to me now that you're in the En Zed than when you were at home in Seattle. About 3000 miles closer! & no matter how far away, I don't know how to not love you, either. You & Jenn are the sisters I never had. I'm so lucky to have the both of you. <3
I was thinking about that yesterday, how you are actually closer.
By the way, even though we are not technically your sisters, we are your sisters really.
Love you.
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