I'm Awake

For someone whose eyes prefer the top of the mountain where the jagged parts, soft tops and dark valleys soften together to create a painter's landscape, or the vast sea from the shore with it's liquid music and visual eternity, it is most difficult to wait in the dense forest, with sleeping friends and a think fog.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, a holiday set aside to be thankful for the harvest and for what we have. It is also November 25 and subsequently Papa would be 71 years old today.  It's been just over two years since I saw him last and I still miss him the same, but I think he'd prefer that I remain a thankful person, as he was so consistently thankful to God for what he'd been given.

In memory of Papa, here are some reasons I am thankful.

Salvation.  I am thankful that God loves me despite my crooked heart, that he has sent Jesus to save my soul and the Holy Spirit to provide discernment.  It is all true and I am so thankful, to the point of incomprehensible peace and gratitude. Thank you good, merciful and loving God.

Creation. The fact that we live in a beautiful world, that God made and that we, because we're made in His image, have the ability to make brings me to tears

Family. The family that I grew up in, my Dad and his family, my Papa and Mama, my 7 sisters and 1 brother and their families- my nieces and nephews. I love my step family that I know well through Papa and my new family through Matt, who surprises me so often with their love. Without them I would be a very different Jessica

Friends. While historically friendship has been a difficult thing for me God has provided AMAZING friends in my life who have truly, truly shown me love, kindness and truth. These people are living gems and I thank God for knowing them. I am so grateful for you all.

My husband.  More than any other person we've fought fire together, and sometimes against each other, but we stand, more united than before and I am so thankful to be the warrior wife standing near you, and so thankful for all the ways God has shown up in our lives both with loving arms and a strong fist.

My cat. I didn't want a cat- but he is such a joy. I really, really love animals and thank God for this little fuzzy joy.

Being a twin. This is an experience that is so deep, I cannot put it into words, but even more I am so thankful for God's divine work in my life because my twin saved me and I her.

Being home schooled and having to garden for what seemed like all-the-time.  These two experiences taught me that I can do anything.

Dance. If I were to do one thing for the rest of my life, I would dance- and while I'm by no means a professional, I am thankful for the ability to move and the few years I had lessons.

Food. Thank you God for providing for us.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Expectations Land Softly

I'm at the point where papers are literally pilling up on my office desk and around my house. There are scarps of paper and fabric near my coffee table and tools laying about. My bed isn't made and the laundry is almost done and folded but not put away.  I haven't made a proper meal in the last four days (besides the recipe below and Matt's lunchs), but thankfully I have managed to keep the dishes done and the counter in the kitchen clean.  I've also managed to hang one set of curtains and wrangle Matt into hanging my knife rack (the magnetic kind).

I'm working at UPS (the pest place) part time for a while and Matt's working full time, gone for twelves hours each day (OHHHHH how I HATE commutes) and our car has been having problems so it takes my ENTIRE body to turn corners (Yay for the machanic who is fixing it tomorrow).

Meanwhile, we're also trying to be 100% into Community NW and we're beginning to think that we cannot have me working CNW and a P/T job for the long run, which is what we thought initially, but now we know.

Also, I've been feeling really thankful right now for my life, for the people in it, the sacredness of being here and being given the time on earth to learn about God and love others like Christ. Life is a gift, it is also a shadow. I must treat it tenderly and thoughfully, with a soft strength. (By the way, I've had a number of really deep thought provoking conversations lately which I'll hopefully be able to share when I'm not so piled up with things).

So right now I'm thankful for the little moments, for the tiny accomplishments. I'm not going to beat myself up for the things I haven't gotten done and I won't let anyone else beat me up. God isn't angry at me because I have a big mess at home - I've been frightfully busy doing the important things, with His help and timing, the rest of it will be taken care of too.

I made this today- with a whole egg tempered perfectly.

Here is where the picture and recipe were found. Thanks to The Kitchn.

I used Malt O Meal instead, and my thoughts on it are: a subtle substance = happiness.