A Counseling Session

Matt and I have been talking since we were married about him working full time and I working P/T or not at all.  There are a few reasons for this, but mainly he doesn't really care about keeping the house clean and food cooked and I enjoy doing those things, but it's really hard for me to do the cleaning and the cooking and the full time working. Maybe that's a weakness, but it's true. It's REALLY hard for me to do both full time.

So, now that both of us are mostly unemployed (I say mostly because we do have a P/T gig doing events for the apartment community we live in) I feel a little uncertain of this idea....here is why...

1. I've generally been able to make more money then him, go figure, I have a four-year degree. I like money, I get stressed out when we don't have money and I like nice things....

2. I have a hard time believing that I could influence the world positively from home.

3. The idea of a "Stay at home-wife/mom" makes me feel like there is something lazy about me...I'm not saying that applies to anyone else, I'm just saying that about me...I think maybe I'd feel differently if we had children, but we don't.

4. I feel like I'll loose my identity if I'm not given a solid check every two weeks and a nod from by boss that I've done a great job.

So that is that. Looking at the list above a lot of this I'm sure is common among other people faced with a similar situation...meanwhile, It's me and I'm sitting here working through a lot of junk and thinking about what I still want to be when I grow up and it can be overwhelming.

I like getting a pay check, I like being at home...so maybe...I need the two combined...